you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
