her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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