you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
