The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
