he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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