I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
