last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish you could order shots online.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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