I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
