This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
