hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize