hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
