Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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