I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
