im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
