im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
