Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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