i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
