Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
