Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize