if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
