is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize