Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
