Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
