Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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