Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
