I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm just crazy horny about you
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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