Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
