What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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