I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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