oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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