Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is Oprah even human
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
