you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
