I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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