If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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