wat bout pragnant strippers??
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
