Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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