I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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