There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
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