just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You made out with two different species that night
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
