YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
