Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
