Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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