Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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