The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i think my cat just said my name.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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