awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
worst night to have a conscience
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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