if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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