Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize