There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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