my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just high enough for therapy.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
