jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
