ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
