jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
only you would photoshop your dick
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
