what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
