I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
