We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i came on her dog
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
