i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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