I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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