She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
