if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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