2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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