Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
