Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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