So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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