i just google imaged poop.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
